Tuesday, November 6, 2012
My Fellow Americans – It has this day been shown that the American Peoples, when they are faced with a tough decision will make tough choices. And we have with that greatest of privileges been allowed to cast our singular voices in a chorus of unity in electing for the next 4 years a president by ballot. Like 2000 this one seems to shaping up to be a good old fashioned fucking over of the people one way or the other. It was an honor to be considered by many of you for your choice of Supreme Overlor—umm. President and I deeply moved by the support of those whose ballots were cast with hope for a less oppressive Iron fist of rule that I would have implemented. It is with the realization that maybe our campaign got started too late and was way underfunded, that I must now take the mantle of responsibility from my own shoulders and transforms it into the blanket of blame and try and find someone to pin this loss upon. Had I had a campaign manager, I would here and now publicly embarrass the shit out of him or her, and make their name a name associated with the futile efforts of poorly conducted campaigning. As it is I have no such person, and the idea of such failure being of my own doing be exponentially impossible, we will look elsewhere. I hereby offer my concession of defeat, issued with prejudice; I do intend to ask for a recount in the key battle ground states of Ohio and Arizona, where despite all statements that I did not receive votes there I know for a fact that someone somewhere had to have been touched by our message of hope and patriotism. Do not cry for me Augusta – I know the redneck populist vote of Georgia rang strong with The HP, and that you too deserve to have a voice in this election. From the flooded streets of Manhattan to the empty seats at Duke University Football games; from the sweaty backrooms in Vegas where cheaters get fingers cut off to the long lines of stoners buying “medical weed” in Portland; from the Animal Hospital in Little China to the Egg Roll shop next Door ran by the son of the vet – The HP has heard you – and wants to give you one more opportunity to show your adoration and elect The HP Supreme Overlo – err.. President. That is why today I am announcing not only my 2016 Presidential Bid, but I am also here to inform you of the creation of my own political party – The Panties Provide Prosperity Party – or the PPPP for short. SOme politicians like to tease and promise that they will "Show you the way" without oulining thier plans. So Here, on the Election night of my grave defeat, I will go ahead and tell you the first step in our 2016 Economic Recovery and Stimulus Act - The Panties Providing Prosperity. All American wear underwear - whether you call them skivvies, panties, drawers, unmentionables - whatever. Our road to recovery is more. We waste valuable resources like water and electricity when we wash these items. Stage one - each person needs to own a minimum of 63 pairs of drawers. Now this helps the economy in several ways. 1) Merchants will sell more skivvies. 2) Cotton farmers will have to increase cotton growth, and the textile industry will have to open up some of the closed factories to meet the demand. 3) Maybe you do not want cotton - I know the lady voters like silk and satin. But these non natural products are harmful in production, so to limit the impact of their manufacture, women will only be allowed to wear thongs. There will however be a 10 pair of Granny Panty allowance for those unflattering times when a pair of butt flossers would not be optimal. So - Washing limited to once every two months - we have an immediate Environmental impact - we have folks buying products - economic stimulus... We have farmers and textiles increased - economic stimulus... We have a thong mandate - that is another tyoe of stimulus, but hey, we need that , too.. In coming months I will inform you of more tenets of our party and how you can help. In the meantime congratulations to the Winner of 2012 – and enjoy the next 4 years – because I will be taking your spot in 2016.
Election Day is finally here. Good. In all seriousness, I don't care who you vote for; rather I simply hope all who are able take part in the process. I know enough of you that when I did a quick little "silent poll" in my head, guessing who the folks in my news feed would vote for, that I can tell ya I think all my friends are pretty much a wash, half voting for one guy, half the other. Who do I want for President? The guy who will have a compassionate heart for the weak; the guy who wants to see business grow but understands the obligations business must keep with it's Labor; the guy who, when given he choice in sending mire kids to be killed and maimed takes the time to understand the gravity of the situation, and makes the right choice; the guy who is running for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. And I do not see that in either of these two candidates. And I am fine with that. For the record, I'm going to stick with my plan of writing in "The Hillbilly Philosopher". It is a small little vote, some may say being thrown away, but a protest vote none the less. I am not totally happy with the job the current President Obama has done, but at the same time find Mr. Romney so absolutely out of touch with the working class I cannot endorse him either. SO in the end, I WILL still participate, but give credence to neither. ( Also, when I die, I expect someone to remember this and make sure my Obituary includes the phrase " Former Presidential Candidate" - thank you ) The real election that I am concern most of all is the office of Lt. Governor here in NC. The Governor's race is a non-starter - Mr. McCrory is way ahead and been running for 2 years - Mr Dalton did not even think he would be allowed to run until Governor Perdue's announcement just back in January of this year. McCrory will win, and there is nothing to stop that. But Dan Forrest running for Lt. Governor scares me - I do not like what I have seen there, and the idea of him setting up a future Governor's bid is enough to make me hope that Mrs. Linda Coleman wins that race today. In the end I do not much know how little or how much a difference any of those listed above really make as individuals - hence the need for party systems - We love to blame the leaders for all the ills of society, but it is you and me, society ourselves - that allows the ills to grow and fester. We live in a society where we all swear allegiance to the principles of fairly and duly elected, then as soon as our guy loses act like it was some great travesty and misapplied social experiment that got our guy defeated. All in all, I want folks to get out, do your thing, vote your heart , mind, wallet, Pastor's recommendation - whatever - just vote. Then own up that you were a part of it - good or bad - and then instead of crowing like a rooster or braying like an ass about the results come tomorrow morning - instead try to find someone on the opposite side, sit down with a beer or a cup of coffee and ask "How can we fix this thing?" If you do that, you will have shown more leadership than any of the folks whose names you see on the ballot today.