Hard questions with no awswers

OK, I have had a lot on my mind lately, and I have held my tongue, or rather have held my hands off of the keyboard.

See, what is rattling in my head like a loose marble is one of those subjects that I would rather shy away from. I don't want to write about it, because I do not want to hurt others. My writing is supposed to be a therapy for me, and if it entertains others then it is a bonus. But never is it supposed to hurt anyone. That is not my style. I am trying to be a better person - and the writing help me with that as a vent.

Sure, I am a bit of an attention whore - more folks I know who are creative are, weather they admit or even realize it or not. But this thing just will not go away. So, in rough, free flowing form, in an attempt to settle my psyche and maybe clear my mind, here is my current conflicting thoughts; it may get disjointed - I'm flying by the seat of my pants here.

Ah, one more warning and / or disclaimer. This is about religion. It is not an attack on any singular person or faith, or sect. If you would rather skip it, PLEASE DO. I am not looking for debate. I do not want to hear argument, Or be recruited, witnessed to , testified to, whatever. Please, if you know me, and know how I can be, and think that maybe our friendship would be better served by your not reading this, then skip it. Really. Just as I cannot help writing it, I can ask you not to read it. Think of it as an open diary laying on my living room table - it is up to you to look into my thoughts, but you know up front you may not like what is contained.

OK - religion. I'm a take it or leave it guy. No big shock there. I do not see the need in my life for it, but if others want to go to a church and worship, so be it. It's their free time.

But I am so tired of those who do worship aggravating the shit out of me. I swear, Christians in particular in this area have no damn idea how annoying they are to non-Christians. nor how self righteous they often come across. It's like "Well, if you don't think like me - sing like me - go to this church _ I'mma aggravate the ever living fuck out of you and try to make you feel bad because we are the only way to get to heaven" ok ok ok.

Guess what - I don't care. Really. I do not care. I have no notion or interest in your idea of heaven, or salvation.

And prayer. Damn. I cannot even go to work related functions without a Christian prayer having to be said before a meal. Guess what? - I do not worship your god. i do not care if my food is blessed. You know what I do when they have prayer? I start repeating this in my head until it is over " This copywrited communication is owned and broadcast by Major League Baseball and any rebroadcast, retransmission, or account of this game, without the express written consent of Major League Baseball, is prohibited.".

And then we have to pray for each other? Why? For health? But you are praying to your creator, correct? So who created the poor health? Satan? Proctor and Gamble? I mean, it is kinda selfish to have a congregation praying for this guy because he has lupus and not his neighbor that is an alcoholic that no one goes to see ( but they do love to talk and gossip about him in his absence). How selfish to ask the entity that you give credit for creating everything to take back something they created when it affects one of his other creations.

And then I see people who pray for money. Or jobs. Or to see a team win. Really? Jesus is a sports fan? With all of the Muslims in professional sports, why have I not seen a NFL player after a touchdown thanking Allah for the ability to break two tackles and find the end zone?

It also pisses me off that if you say you are not a Christian, or to excuse yourself from a conversation because in truth you don't want to start a fuss or argue with folks you like, then you are hounded and repeatedly invited to go somewhere you have no interest in. It's like if I found out you were against strip clubs and I asked you every Friday , repeatedly, if you wanted to go to Pure Gold. No dammit, I do not want to go. I know where the place is. If I wanted to be there, I would be there already.

And I love the way that anything you want to campaign for , someone can twist the Bible into supporting it. Slavery - yep. Race hatred - yep. War - yep. Polygamy - yep. Fratricide and Patricide - yep. Conservative ideals like self sufficiency and independence - yep. Liberal agendas like communal food supplies, welcoming of travelers and other different from you - yep. Jesus paradoxically can be portrayed as a hippie rebel, or a regent for strict discipline.

And then you get the excuse - it's my DUTY to try and save you. Guess what - it may be my duty to enlighten you - to show you that the weekly ritual and silly practices you are conduction reek of pre-renaissance superstition.

I cannot grasp this thought as even being accepted on face value - we have a heavenly father, who killed his son, so that we do not go to hell, because he made us and loved us, but we have to fear and worship him to get that love, and those who do not go to hell even though he killed that son. So you admit you worship an idea of a creator who created you for the purpose of worshiping him? What? That's odd. Apply it to todays time - if I built an army of robots whose whole purpose was to change the minds of the world to understand that as their creator I am the all being, all powerful, I would be a mad man, yet change robots to Christians, or Muslims, and me to God, or Allah, and it is acceptable?

Christians rail against the Muslims and the idea of conversion by the sword, preferring to take the high road of salvation by free will, but then some harass the shit out of you to the point you wish you had a damn sword to ward them off with.

The chain emails of "inspirational tales", two of which I swear were TV show plots when I was a kid, they annoy me. The status updates on Sunday by the folks who were posting ribald or crude status during the week - nice testimony there, no? I know I post odd and vulgar things - but I do not fake who I am later. I've lost friends on Facebook and realize for pointing out historical FACT concerning the founding fathers and their Deist writings to misinformed bible thumping Christians that want to return the country to it's Christian roots. ( Use Google kids, or better yet, the library. )

If there is any religion I do find appealing, or interesting, or that I see as a correct path to self improvement, I have to admit that the teachings of Buddha are good, peaceful lessons. But i will freely admit even the full commitment to me is impractical in todays times.

Do I think there is a higher power? I do not know. But I also do not spend my time worrying about it - it could be. Maybe it is God. Or Allah. Or space Aliens. Or G.W. Bush. But whoever/whatever/wherever it is - I don't care. It really boils down to that. So please please please stop trying to get me to. You wanna talk religion - FINE - but you make the choice - you want crow all about yours but not to hear an opinion other than yours? Then fuck off. You want me to listen to you , and then you reciprocate - I'm game.

But I do want to say there are the good guys too. I said I will not call out any one individually, so i will not, but I know several members of Clergy who TALK to me, or message me, or debate in an even handed manner with me, and I respect them. They are devoted to their faith, they are learned, and I respect what they do.

Sometimes though, the message of the Shepard gets drowned out by the bleeting of the sheep they watch.

Rant over. Now maybe I can get some sleep.

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