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Monday, June 20, 2011

The HP 2012 - Your Choice For President


So I look at the state of affairs in our Country and I have decided that what this country needs is someone to fix it. Someone who does not give a fuck what you think, and will fucking just do the job, and tell all the cry babies to get over it and move on.

SO yeah, The HP is here to do that. I'm gonna run for President.

I do not see the point in raising a lot of money - folks will naturally gravitate to my down-home problem solving skills and earthy mentality when looking at an issue. SO I am not asking for your money.

I do not see the point in asking you for your support, as i know you are going to vote for me anyhow - that wastes my time and makes you feel awkward when responding to my plea.

So here are the first 5 planks in the platform:

1) All people need to leave other people the fuck alone. This is a multifacted platform - it means leave your pay cheak alone ( like that don't you conservatives?) It means leave your life style alone ( hello gay vote! ) It means leave your religion alone ( Muslims, Christians and everyone else, welcome to the fold ). And it means I will not , under any circumstance invade a foreign country. ( North Korea, you can start sending me some graft right about now ).

2) You don't fuck with family. And we are all family. So all you "Defend our borders" folks, thank you in advance for your vote. Because we are bringing the soldiers home to defend our land, on our soil.

3) I don't give a shit about marijuana. Seriously - don't care. You wanna toke up? Vote for me. You think it is a gateway drug and needs to be banned? Vote for me. See, I am not gonna get in your way - you can bitch and argue for my 8 years ( cause you know your gonna re-elect me ) all you want. I don't care. And for the record - yes - I did smoke, I did inhale, and you know wht? Meh - not a big thing to me. SO no, I just don't care.

4) Guns. You want'em - you can have them. Don't care if you are a non-violent felon. Don't care if you are 13. The only way you lose the right to bear arms will be to commit a crime with a gun. Then we cut off your arms. Because you lost the right to bear your arms. If, as an armless citizen, you learn to use a gun with your feet, good for you.

5) Everyone is entitles to free health care. At the same time, everyone who accesses free health care , and is not employed an thus funding it, will be required to run errands for those who cannot. Cut thier grass. Wash thier houses. Clean the gutters. Give handjobs to nursing home patients. Whatever. We all pitch in for the greater good.

As it stands, it is pretty hard to get on a ballot. Even to be a write in , in some states you have to be registered. So I have formed an exploratory committee to locate the easiest state to get upon a ballot. That one state is all we need. We can make an impact.

Also, think about it. If you are passionate about politics, I am sure you know 3 or 4 people who will vote the opposite of you - so you guys cancel each other out. Need proof? 2004. So why cancell each other out - why not make a statement. Vote a vote that says " This is all such bullshit, I'm going to give a bullshit vote."

That's me - your Bullshit Candidate.

Vote for the HP in 2012.

PS: Vice President consideration is currently open for hire. EOE Employer.

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