6:57 am - March 12 2011
I'm sitting in a parking lot, my nerves about shot. It has been an interesting week to say the least, and somehow it all leads to here, a 5k run through the quaint little town of Pittsboro.
Let's get something straight from the beginning - I HAVE NOT TRAINED FOR THIS AT ALL. AT. FREAKING. ALL.
OK, better to start at the beginning....
A week ago yesterday I went to the Doctor and got told " Stop your two pack a day smoking habit or else." That was on a Friday. I greatly reduced my smoking that weekend.
I had my last cigarette ( more later ) on Tuesday. Wednesday of this week, thursday - Friday until about 5 pm - NONE.
That part most of you knew about. I was very public about my desire to quit.
What I was private about was that I also rejoined the health club, and have been going each morning. I have a real desire to get my weight and health where they need to be. My plan this time is the reverse of last time - this time it is 1) Stop smoking 2) Get in an excercise habit and THEN 3) Diet.
OK, back to the smoking. Yesterday I lost an old friend. I took some medication for my nerves ( yes I have a perscription before you lecture me ) and my nerves were still shot. I smoked. I'll not lie. SO my "quitting" has to start fresh with todays date. The great news is so far this morning I have ZERO cravings - go figure.
So back to now - I had intended, upon learning of the 5k, to have a buddy come along, and I was going to run my guts out, literally pushing myself to fainting / puking / quitting - whatever - for an internet comedy video. The oney still goes to Relay for life - I just wanted to have fun. But as the days went by, the more important it became to me.
After yesterday, this means alot to me. Losing a 35 year old friend to a heart attack is mindfuckingly insane. I GOT to get my ass in shape and in gear.
SO - here I am, in a parking lot, scared I'm going to fall , or trip , or piss on myself, or god forbid puke my guts out in front of folks - something that a few days ago was funny and now is mortifying. I could call staying out drinking past midnight as carbing up, but that joke feels hollow right now as my stomach boils.
I KNOW my time will be aweful. I KNOW I will probably be last. But I gotta do it - for me.
So here goes nothing.
Bib Number 2977