Ever since a visit from a an old friend ( and I would hope a few new ones) , a statement I made has bounced through the corners of my mind like one of those supermrket hi-bouce balls. Omitting the build up, I made this observation (or something close to it - Heather can correct me if i have it wrong or too far out of context):
" I don't hate anyone. Its a waste of time. I used to think I would hate 2 people forever, I actually fed on it, and then one day years later i thought of one of them and realized i had not for years - so how could I hate them? "
At this point, I was asked the identities, which I declined to provide, only an allusion to one, and the conversation grew on and meandered like all good ones do. Thats enough of that - lets leave it to those of us who were able to share each others time.
But the thought, the phrase - HATE. It has bounced, jumped, crashed around in my mind, and now I have to excise it to set it free - kinda like when you get a tune locked in the front of your mind and it won't go away until either 1) you sing the whole song 2) you hear the song on the radio or 3) You kill yourself because nothing you did would remove "Walk like an Egyptian" from your thoughts.
I think I can say that I do not hate anybody - not directly as in "I hate XXXX ." I also do not think that I hate anyone because of where they were born, where they go to church, who they call god(s), what they do for a living, who they sleep with, what gender they sleep with, where they got their diploma, what team they pull for, etc etc. It just does not make any sense to waste time on it. I got shit to do, and only 1 lifetime to do it in.
Sure, there are people I do not like, and I think that is a good thing - a little bit of survival instinct maybe. Sure, I do not approve of certain things - child molesters, gang members, right wing skinheads, The B-52's - but I do not hate them. Why? Does my wasting my time hating them do them harm? Do you think a child molester is any less likely to be one just beacause someone hates him? Of course not - they are a sick person, with a weakness they cannot overcome - my opinion and hatred does not even blip the radar. Gang members and skin head could give a big ole pile of porupine poop if I hate them or not - probably would feed on it, mistaking it for fear. And the B-52's? I used to think I hated them, but now I realis it was just a misguided attraction to red beehive hair doos and sharp dressed men with white shoes.
To put things into perspective, I looked up some quotes on HATE to see if anything struck a chord. Here are some I found:
“We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.” - Jonathan Swift
“You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” - Anne Lamott
“When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves.” - Chuck Palahniuk
To really know someone is to have loved and hated him in turn” - Marcel Jouhandeau
Truthfully - this only re-emphasised to me just how petty my "Hate forever" idea was in the first place - my "reasoning" was no where near adequate to carry on a long life of hate simply based on childish behaviour by children.
So, to person I was gonna hate forever number one - Sorry, it's over. Its been over for a long time. I don't know where you are, what you do, or if you are even still alive - though I have to assume so or I would have heard about it had you died. I hope your life turned out well, I hope your happy, and I hope you live to a ripe old age. Honestly, you hurt the hell out of me, and I thought hating you would hurt you back - but I don't think it did and so why bother?
And to you, #2 hated forever person - I have run into you a time or two, and you seem to have done ok. I don't care where yo are now, or what you have become - I'd rather not ever see yo again unless I need a kidney or it benefits me finacially - besides that I don't give a flying shit - but I don't hate you. Your simply not worth my time to waste. (Oh and when you did what you did to make me hate you - i hope you got herpes - the gift that keeps on giving - but still, I don't hate you.)
As for objects, places, food or other "things" the closest i come to hate is yogurt (UGH!!!) and soccer. But those are subjests for another day.
Goodnight kids -
PS - The misspellings are mine, and I love them. Please do not hurt their self esteem by pointing them out. :)