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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Pancakes with a side order of Chlorophyll Original to Facebook 1/24/2010

My last rambling note, upon reflection, was full of deep, almost serious thoughts. Here is another helping, with a little bit lighter fare. As always, thanks for reading.

* I like a good fart joke, or poot reference. Most folks I know do too, even if they do not mention it polite company or to the world in large, in a small group they will make a joke, poot sound, or tell an embarrassing story. Which leads me to believe that all people actually like fart humor. This then makes me wonder about famous, respectable people. Like when the Presidents of two major countries have a meeting after a meal of broccoli and onion salad, and in the middle of intense discussion one of them rips off a good one. Or if the Pope has ever asked a Cardinal "What died in there?" I know, obscene - but makes you wonder, huh?

* I think that banks ought to have to be open any hours that the people in their community are at large. Not an ATM - but during the night, when third shift guy gets his lunch break he could go in and talk about his retirement IRA. Car dealerships' service departments, too.

* I talk to all of my animals, but I view some as pets and others as agriculture. Oddly, the agriculture animals seem to understand me better than my retarded pets, but then, the pets are like my kids, so maybe they don't listen because my kids don't listen. Maybe I should start farming kids, and then everyone would listen.

* You know who had to be the bravest person in history? The guy who ate the first egg. " Ooog ugg og ugug oog og " - " Hey Frank, look what fell out of that chickensauraus's ass. Eat it!" "Ogg ug ugg ugguugugu ug " Fuck you Bill, you eat it" " Oggugg " OK". History's first chef. Wow.

* I think it is funny how Blade Jericho was such a geek in High School, and is a total Ladies Man now. Proof that not all fruit ripens at the same time.

* I wonder if anyone ever gave Pete Seeger a hammer, and told him to shut the hell up?

* I am drinking from my favorite coffee cup right now. It says " How much shit could a dipship dip if a dipshit could dip shit" . It was a Christmas gift from yars back, and I love it. If I ever se someone else drinking from one just like it, I will consider them my blood brother for life. Even if it is Blade Jericho.

* I have a round front 50 gallon aquarium that was also a gift from years back. It has been dormant for better than 2 years. If you want it - let me know. It has the matching stand, and I will give you an insanely good deal on it, just so that someone is enjoying it.

* I wonder if Tina Turner ever tried to kill Ike?

* Sometime I wonder about seriously inappropriate things. Recently it has been whether or not there is such a thing as porn for retarded people. I know, I'm gong to hell for even wondering. I have asked other folks, and even evil as it is, they laugh like hell. I will admit even I am scared shitless to "google" the term.

* I love to make folks laugh, even if I do not like them. I just like to hear laughter.

* Something else I have wondered, also inappropriate. I wonder, is during the September 11 tragedy, if some office clerk knew he/she was not going to make it out alive, and killed a co-worker they always hated, like someone who kept stealing their diet cokes from the office fridge.

* I saw a church for sale off of hwy 87, down towards Wilmington, and had Alice's Restaurant stuck in my head for the following couple hours. True story.

* Ever notice it is easy to get an illegal drug you don't need, but hard as hell to get a legal one you do need? Like, I know when I have a kidney stone, but I have to go to the doctor, pay a x-ray tech to scan my body, and pay another one to read it, for the doc to tell me I have a kidney stone, and THEN write me a prescription for something to help with the pain. The same meds he writes me a prescription for folks use recreationaly all over town. So to be honest and legal, it costs you about $250 for 30 pills you can get illegally for $30. And folks wonder why I am in favor of health reform.

* I misspell SMOKE as SMOAK almost every damn time I type it. Also a true story.

* If you work somewhere that does random drug testing, and you take a vacation in The Netherlands and smoke reefer for 10 straight days, then come back to work and get tested and come up positive, can the company fire you for violating the policy against illegal drug use, even though you used them in a legal setting?

* If there is in fact a god who created everything, I have to think the platypus was made right after pot and mushrooms where invented.

* I think the should be an iPhone ap that whenever someone wants an ap they do not have yet, they can type it in and it will announce it and then get the following scenario. Say you want an ap for estimating the weight of dog shit on a new york side walk. You type in shit estimator. The an animated voice will blare form the phone " Shit Estimator- There should be an ap for that! " All the non iPhone folks would still be envious, I assure you.

* I may not be the smartest person I know, but that is ok. I damn sure am the smartest person I have ever been.

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