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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

On Being Married for 17 Years - original to Facebook 10/15/2010

Tomorrow is October 16. That is the anniversary of the day Sweetums and I were married. We were High School sweethearts who dated our Senior year at Western Harnett High School and married the fall after Graduation.

A few thoughts:

* Lots of folks get married at 18. Not a lot of folks get married at 18 and stay married. I am amazed often by the number of folks who act like we are some kind of amazing situation howeer. My folks are still married after 37 years. I'm think Sweetums folks are even a little longer. We had awesome examples. I hope our sons will one day say the same.

* It has not always been easy. We have been prosperous, we have been broke. We have had fun , we have fought. Laughed. Cried. Stayed up all night lovin, and stayed up all night crying. But we have stuck it out. We make it work.

* I have often told Sweetums that choosing her is the ONLY family I got to choose - I was born to my parents, they gave me a sister, her family came with her as a package, and our sons were the combing of the two of us in part, and everyone in whole. But she is the ONLY kin I got to choose from the whole wide world. Honestly, this singular sentiment is why I am in favor of Same Sex Marriage rights - if you find that person, that one person, in the whole world that you choose, then you have witnessed magic and a miracle. To deny anyone that wonderful moment, that second when you become a singular unit, to tell someone they cannot have that, it baffles me.

* One key to success : We still have our own lives, too. We are not "stuck up each other's butt" all the time. She has her friends, I have mine. Sometimes they overlap. Usually they do not. But we do not get worn out of being together all the damn time. Do I want to be with her all the time? Sure, I WANT to. Do I need to? No.

* We COMPLIMENT each other - not complete each other. If you need someone to COMPLETE you, you are not ready for a relationship - you still need to work on YOU, not a pairing of you and someone else.

* She is smarter than I am in a lot of things. I got an edge on her in others. We KNOW that. It's easier to accept that than to compete all the time - and that's hard for a competitve person like me to admit.

* I love her. I tell her all the time. I could tell her more. I tell her in public and private. But I want her to hear it, een though she already knows it.

* And lastly - We got married young. We have had three sons spread across 10 years, all 5 years apart, so that now there is a 15 , a 10 and a 5 year old underfoot. I work hella hours. She is an amazing part time working full time go wherever the kids need or want to go Mom. Money is tight. Bills are getting higher and harder to pay. We do not go to movies, or on extraagant trips, or buy the coolest and latest fashions for the boys. Our van looks like it just got back from Iraq. But we have a warm and happy home, and three boys who love thier mama and daddy, and all the silly play time and snuggles at night, and the pictures on the fridge, and the band concerts and baseball games - we are happy.

And HAPPY is the key to it all.

So Happy Anniversary Mrs. Bethany Currin McGarity. I love you - you make me happy - and that is all I could ever ask for.

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