I have been a little grumpy lately, and I think I know why - it has been a while since I cleaned out the filing cabinet in my head, and maybe mental constipation has taken its toll on me. So, like you have seen before, here is my off the top of the head and a few better thought out thoughts.
* I have been enjoying the little writing project for THE SUMMIT that some folks and I have been doing. I think it is interesting to see how folks craft story lines, and to see folks get involved. I have to admit it is grown a little bigger than I expected after the first few - hell - I never expected a second one - but all in all I am having fun with it. If I had to find any fault with it at all, it is that I have stopped with my "one off" pieces of drivel, like the one you are reading. Lately if I write anything, it is SUMMIT material. I did write a short at Christmas, when I promised to write 12. I did one, or actually two, but did not post the second one out of a last minute case of respect for the world at large. Who knows - maybe that is for the best - maybe the world needs less of my stuff cluttering up its spaces.
* Also related to THE SUMMIT, but not - Dave Myers is a cat that writes with us, and has made some awesome artwork. Dave is extremely gifted, and I use this term because I think that it is the term he would use - it is a gift from a higher power. If you have seen the pictures, but they are the only ones you have seen, I implore you to check out www.artisservant.com . You will be amazed, impressed, and inspired.
* I am going to be 35 this year. I publicly announced my poor lifestyle choices and desire to change them. I got off to my normal deranged obsessive start, and did great, and then “backslided”. Update: I have lost 12 pounds cumulative as of today - after losing over 15, I pretty much feel of the wagon for a week. I have kicked the MT Dew on its ass. I did have an 8 oz glass the other night, and finally understand folks who say that after drinking diet drinks how it tastes like syrup. And I have cut out the snacks, almost to a fanatical point. Funny aside - last Sunday morning, while playing Mario Kart Wii, I had a craving for Spaghetti-O's so strong that had I not had a turkey cooking in the oven I would have driven all the way to town for a can. I was saved from my impulse by a turkey - awesome.
* I climbed up on a high horse a few days ago and deleted folks over a "chain status" that I thought was offensive and racist. I do not regret doing so. I understand that folks can say what they want - I love that, respect that, believe that. I understand I use foul language - and I make no apology. But I have come along way from some of my former viewpoints, and see the error of them. I may argue and joke about politics, religion, occupations or whatnot - but you don't see me making racist comments. And no matter how much we agree or disagree on subjects like gay marriage , gun ownership, or the ability to smack another person's kid in Wal-Mart, i don't throw a single religious figure into anyone's face and essentially call them a coward for not following them. It was just kind of tacky to me. If they believed what they copy and pasted -good for them - it is their right to do so. Sadly, I think many of them did it to be funny, instead of posting their own original thought - and came off, to me at least, looking like racist zealots. Am I making a label there- sure - it is what they appeared to be to me, but it is not a label that applies to a people as a whole. I apply it to each and every one of them, individually. And I will forgive them, because I am trying to be a better person, but I am not going to condone its repetition. But I'm not going to tell them to press any damn number to find out if they agree or not.
* This time of year is real hard on my guys at work. The cold weather prevents paving, and then the rains all but eliminate it if the temps do rise. As much as I like this time of year ( I like the cool weather, and it's the only time of the year that we are sow enough that I feel human - when we are paving it is an all consuming affair ) I do feel sorry for them, and hope that pretty soon we can get back busy.
* Sometimes the hardest job in the world is being someone's friend. You have their heart aches and take them on as your own, you see their happiness, and envy it, you see their faults and try to help without offense, and you see the things they boast of doing best when in fact the are terrible at it. It's hard to be a friend. I reckon that's why true friends are so hard to find.
* Money is tight. Prices are high. If you were ahead, your barely getting by now. If you were barely getting by, you’re now behind. My thoughts to those who were already behind - it's got to be a nightmare at this point for them. I will make no bones about it - I'm struggling, but just am breaking stride. And there is a part of me that has for the past few months realized that where I used to stress so much, now that I am little numbed, do not, and wonder if maybe getting by is enough? Maybe we take on, want more, try to own more than we need - and when I have more than I need, I am hogging a part of the world from someone else that needs it, but does not have it. I don't know. I cannot place it into words to make it sound the way I think it. I have a high school friend whose family set out in a travel camper, selling all their property, to do service to their Lord and mankind, and help folks with less. I will admit at first I privately thought it a crazy idea. Now, I have grown to respect it, and while I do not follow the devotions of organized religion, find myself thinking of her and her family (the rest of whom I have never met ) and "sending good thoughts their way". I hope that they are comfortable this dark morning as I write this, and that they keep on with spreading their love for fellow humans. You can learn more about them and their project of love at www.revolutiontour.org.
* I did read an interesting story about a Buddhist Nun in Raleigh, and the limited newspaper account of her journey to the place she holds now. I found it inspirational.
* Haiti. It breaks my heart. And I do not care what their politics are. I do not care what they may have said in the world court. I do not care if they are "waiting for a handout". I see humans, hungry, hurt, orphaned, dying, and sick - and it breaks my heart. I will freely admit I am much prouder to see our soldiers there, helping save lives, than I am to see them be sent into combat. I respect the soldier, and I understand following orders; I'd just rather see them, at this time, making the world better for those hurt people, than fighting guerrilla tactics with village chieftains and regional lords who will not stop, ever, until either they are eradicated as a village or region, or until we leave.
* I want to be a better person, and I am trying.